The Monster at My Window
by Mikauzoran
Summary: Kuroba comes every night to my balcony, calling my name and entreating me to let him in. He's a demon, and I fear him, what he could do. But fears are made to be conquered—accepted and moved beyond. In acceptance there is freedom. …But still the monster calls my name. (Now multi-part. KaiShin and HakuKai with incubus!Kaito and shinigami!Shinichi. Thanks to EverThePhantom.)
1. Hakuba - The Monster at My Window

Mikau: Hi everyone! Thanks for taking a look at this. It's my entry for Poirot Café's fourth Super Short Contest "Fear". I tried some new(ish) things out in this one like writing first person (it always seems to be Hakuba-centric when I do that, doesn't it? ^.^;) and writing in the present tense. I think this ficlette lends itself well to both. I hope you enjoy it! I do love a good demon!Kaito.

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I would have continued using the supernatural elements of Magic Kaito. Because I _like_ them. I don't care if it's not realistic. :/

…

The Monster at My Window

This house is haunted.

My father never notices. He's never home enough to take much heed of the otherworldly giggles of children in the second floor corridor in the dead of night or the doors that suddenly fly open or slam shut without the aid of draft. The Superintendent hasn't the sensitivity for the supernatural that I do.

Baaya, a good Christian woman, perceives but simply refuses to believe or acknowledge. I wish I could be as ignorant, as blind and deaf as she is, of the spectral goings-on in this house.

Thankfully the usual lineup of hobgoblins has ceased to disturb me. I no longer start at the faceless man in the shower or the long-necked girl wailing in the closet just before dawn when everything is at its darkest.

Though…lately…a more sinister presence has taken notice of me, following me home and sitting out on my balcony railing, calling to me.

"Hey. What are you afraid of?" he snickers, leering. His violet eyes glint; his fangs show.

I followed him after a heist, and I saw him _change_. Kuroba Kaito's biggest secret isn't that he's the Kaitou Kid.

"Hey. Don't ignore me," he entreats—almost jeers—from where he's perched outside.

Only my screen glass door protects me.

I don't know what he is. I've had so little contact with any of the higher breeds of demons. Maybe a fox or a tengu…maybe a vampire.

God, I hope not, but…the way he smirks and eyes me…like he wants to eat me…

I shiver.

He smiles, cajoling, "Tantei-saaaan? Can I come in? Let's talk."

"I'm trying to focus on our Calculus assignment at the moment."

 _Go away._

"Invite me in, and I'll help you," he haggles.

"There's no point in doing it if I don't do it myself."

 _ **Please**_ _._

"So studious," he chuckles, and I feel icy chills wriggle down my spine like as many worms. "…So…what are you afraid of?"

"Do demons actually ask like that?" I endeavor to inject bravado into my shaking voice. I'm afraid of _him_. That's what I'm afraid of…at least…at night…when he's like this…the serial killer looking in at the window. He's much the same Kuroba as usual at school during daylight.

"Like what?" he prompts, eager to keep me talking, hoping I'll slip up and play right into his hands.

"Like in the folktale. Like…if I say I'm afraid of gold or manju or something, will you throw it at me in hopes of scaring me to death?" I challenge.

He simpers.

I shiver once more. His eyes are bestial, a predator's. His saccharine smirk is the sadistic smile of the executioner.

"Hardly. Real demons aren't quite as stupid as you humans make us out to be…. What are you afraid of, Tantei-san?"

I pull the curtains and hope he goes away.

He continues to call to me in endearing words, a sweet tone.

I collapse back into my desk chair with a sigh of complete exhaustion. My body shakes. It's too much. I'm coming undone under his nightly tortures.

I close the Calculus text and google "Exorcism".

…

Kuroba acts completely normal at school. It's enough to make me question my own sanity. Does that demon actually come to my balcony at night to sing seductive siren songs of "Let me in"? Have I gone mad? Is it all a delusion?

He sees me staring at him, looks affronted—as if I'm a crazy, weirdo stalker—and turns to bother Nakamori-san.

Does she know that the man she loves isn't human? …Would she believe me if I tried to convince her of that fact? …Or is she one of _them_ too?

…

"What are you afraid of, Tantei-san? …Tantei-san? …Hakubaaaa. Hakubaaaa."

I ignore theme and variations of this for twenty minutes.

"Saguru." He's standing at the door, staring me down.

My heart jumps.

"Come over here." The playful tone has gone out of his voice. Now it's all commanding impatience.

I give a little yelp of distress as I find my body obeying against my will…because he is a _powerful_ demon, and he has my given name…and thus power over me.

"Let me in," he purrs, but nothing happens…because entrance must be granted consensually.

I find myself laughing in relief.

He bares his fangs, utterly incensed at being foiled.

I get the impression I will pay for my insolence if… _when_ he gets his hands on me.

…

Kuroba and Nakamori-san come over to collaborate on a school project. When Nakamori-san leaves to use the powder room, Kuroba acts naturally. He jokes and teases, smiling like the usual carefree clown. I laugh too, returning snark for snark, and it's almost as if we're…friends.

As they leave, Kuroba looks back at me and smirks. "Thanks for inviting me."

The remark is normal, but his words send ice through my veins…because he's got me. I finally _invited_ him.

I spend several hours after that sitting in thought, mentally steeling myself against what is sure to come—Kuroba's visit tonight.

I think of my classmate, my frenemy; my sparring partner the gentleman thief; and then that creature that sits crooning out on my balcony.

It's difficult to reconcile them. Are they really all the same person?

…

I fall asleep at some point, for when I awake he's looking down at me with those iridescent violet eyes.

I jump, but I don't scream. Finding my voice as my heart recovers from the shock, I tentatively ask, "Are you hungry?" as I hold out my wrist to him.

He's taken aback.

I retract and awkwardly stutter, "Or…d-do you feed off of chi?"

He shows his teeth…as if to prove a point. "What are you afraid of?"

I look up at the monster, past the fangs and the wild eyes…and see only my rival and friend, posturing, putting up a front as always.

He wants me to say "You" so that he can spit back, "You're just like the rest who only see me as a demon!"

I smile. "That shinigami Edogawa scares me more than you do, Kuroba, you pacifist. You won't hurt me; you would have done so already. You're not capable. You're no monster, Kuroba."

The menace starts to fade, leaving him abashed.

"Honestly? I'm afraid of failure…and, like you, rejection," I admit gently. "…I won't reject you, Kuroba. Now, while you're here, what do you say to some hot chocolate and a game of chess?"

As the words sink in, his confusion morphs into joy. Grateful tears pool at the corners of his eyes, and he smiles and nods.

The

End

…

Mikau: Yay! Happy-ish ending! Poor Kai-chan just wanted someone to accept him. Bullying Haku-chan like that was mean, though, Kaito. :/ Ah well. I hope you enjoyed it! Vote for me? Hahaha. Right. -.- I had fun writing it, though. I came up with the idea while musing over the theme of "fear" and muttering "What are you afraid of? What are you afraid of, Hakuba?" over and over again. And then I remembered that Japanese folktale and then…demon!Kaito! Tadah! Really, my writing process isn't all that impressive. -.-; Thanks again for reading. If you've got the time on your way out, please let me know what you thought! Thanks in advance!


	2. Kaito - The Demon Inside

Mikau: Hey guys. I'd started expanding this back in October, but then the cold set in and I got too depressed to safely write. But now I'm feeling a little emotionally healthier and picking this back up. By the way, this is completely EverThePhantom's fault. She's the one who told me how she thought Kaito should be an incubus and encouraged me to continue.

So yeah. This fic will now feature both KaiShin and HakuKai, and the main character is an incubus, so there are going to be some mature scenes (for both couples) later on in the fic, so…this should be interesting. The rating may have to go up in the future, but… Oh! Before we get started, thank you so much to all of those who reviewed the pilot chapter: Blue Waters 52, Guest, Hebiaczek, MissingJigsaw, 10th Squad 3rd Seat, Loner Kid, EverThePhantom, and Guest (Sorry. I haven't been mentally well enough to edit/post this. No need to be mean. -.-; I'm just taking care of myself so that I'm around to write stories for you guys. (Unless I read your tone wrong and you were joking, not being mean. It's hard to tell without a voice to go along with the words.))! I really hope you like the continuation.

Disclaimer: Obviously DCMK is not mine, and, furthermore, the idea to have Kaito be an incubus was EverThePhantom's. I lovingly blame her for all the craziness to follow.

…

Chapter Two: Kaito - The Demon Inside

I'm a monster.

All my life I thought I was normal, but in my early teens I started to _change_. Puberty for me was a far worse hell than I imagine it was for any of my peers. My father died when I was still very young, and my mom is human, so there was a chance that I would be normal too. But I'm not. Still, she raised me as a human, and I had no clue about my father's secret up until my demon blood started to show.

I've hidden it these past few years. Nobody knows, nor can they know. They'd turn on me. They'd hunt me down and do experiments on me, keep me locked up in a research facility, treat me like a sideshow freak…

I _am_ a freak.

And a fiend. I've lived among humans my whole life, but now that I've changed…they make me hungry. As a half-blood, I don't _need_ to feed on humans to survive, but…I _want_ to. The fey side of me wants to, even as the human side of me shrinks back in revulsion.

It gets more complicated because I've always had ideas about love and joining your life to one partner. I've never even kissed anybody. I'm a flirt and a showoff, but I'm conservative with my body and how much and with whom I share it. I want to wait for marriage and be devoted and faithful so that I can deserve the same kind of devotion from my mate. That's the idealist, romantic, human part of me.

The incubus inside me just wants to eat.

…and I'm at war with myself. Because the human side of me knows that these desires are wrong.

I hate the demon part of me. It's disgusting, and I'm ashamed of it. These base, primitive urges sicken me and freak me out in turn.

I just want to be normal…so I pretend that I'm normal. I deny and suppress and ignore and curl up in my room and cry, shouting into pillows, beating them with my fists when the stress of it all overpowers me. I break down a lot when nobody's looking.

At least I have Shinichi to talk to. Though…he's full-blood demon, so he doesn't always understand. He thinks I should throw off my human scruples and embrace my fey side.

I think the innumerable deaths he's witnessed as a shinigami have numbed him. Even though he's lived among humans— _loved_ a human—his entire life, he doesn't really comprehend them.

Still, I love him like a brother…if not a little incestuously…but…I wish he could get it, what I'm going through. I have prudish human morals and a ravenously demonic desire for human flesh.

No one can understand that. No one could ever accept that.

So I hide it. I hide behind a cloaking device, my shimmer. While I maintain it, it conceals the points of my ears, the unnatural glow of my eyes, the glitter of my skin, the size of my teeth, and the existence of my tail. I can keep it up without thinking most of the time, even when I sleep, but when I'm seriously injured…it drops. The mask comes off, and I'm a monster again.

…

September is cold this year. The wind blows hard, batting at my glider like a cat at a toy as I try to navigate. The crossbar of the glider got nicked by one of Snake's bullets, so it's hell to get the thing to fly straight even without the wind working against me.

And I'm injured. Like the glider, it's just a nick…at least…I hope it's just a nick…but…there's a lot of blood streaming down my arm, and I feel dizzy. My shimmer is starting to waver. It goes out, and I know I'm going to crash. Strength is slipping away from me like a sweater unraveling.

I manage to touch down a little ungracefully into an alley and narrowly avoid adding broken bones to the list of my problems. With a groan, I change the glider back into a cape and pull myself up on a dumpster. I feel wretched. And the alley smells like hobo vomit…and the frenzied fornication of two—make that three—clubbers so high on ecstasy that they probably had no idea what was going on.

I can smell the nightclub about a block away. It reeks of undulating bodies, sweat, and lust, making me feel nauseated…and hungry…and angry at myself. I wonder if it would really be so bad if I slipped in and fed off of the oblivious, drug- and sex-addled people there. I'm injured, and feeding would heal me. I wouldn't have to sleep with them or even kiss them on the lips. It would be enough just to lick their skin and feed off of the sexual energy flowing in abundance from their pores.

I gag on the thought…on the fact that I'm a villainous beast.

I'll call for Jii-chan to come get me. He'll bring the first aid kit, and I'll heal the old-fashioned way—the _human_ way. Because I'm _human_ , gosh darn it.

I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the dingy metal of a nearby trashcan lid. With my shimmer out of commission, I sure don't look human.

Something moves at the mouth of the alley, accidentally knocking over a half-empty beer can and thus alerting me to his presence. The stench of the place is too overpowering, otherwise I would have smelled him straight off.

It's Hakuba, standing there aghast and gawking at me. How long has he been there?! It doesn't matter; he's seen me regardless. Why did it have to be _him_ of all people? Does God hate me so much just because I was born this way?

It's my worst nightmare. Hakuba's going to tell _everyone_ , and they're going to poke me and prod me and chain me up. They're going to put me in a cage and stare and jeer and throw rotten fish. He's going to tell Aoko, and she's going to reject me. And it's going to kill me. Even though I know I can never be with her because of what I am, I still can't bear the thought of her knowing and pushing me away because of it.

"K-Kuroba?" Hakuba stumbles over the word in his shock at seeing me so transfigured. He's terrified.

 _I'm_ terrified. What am I supposed to do?! My instincts say "Attack! Feed! Suck him dry and heal yourself!" My human side wants to run.

I let out a terrible, bestial growl, baring my fangs at him as my tail flicks irately. The cornered animal in me takes over, and I snap, "Tell anyone, and I swear I'll kill you!" Empty words, but he doesn't know that.

He takes a few steps back, distancing himself from me like he's trying to escape from a rabid dog without exciting its wrath.

That's right. Fear me. Now that you know what I am, cast me off like some vile, loathsome creature. I'm an abomination, so treat me like one. I'm not human, I'm a monster who's just sick in the head, masquerading as a person and trying to convince himself that he really is one of you.

I growl at him again in my inner turmoil, and he stumbles backwards in terror.

And then I run, tears blurring my already impaired vision. Screw my dizziness. Screw the blood still trickling down my arm. Screw the fact that my shimmer is down and if anyone else sees me like this…

Getting ahold of myself, I head up a nearby fire escape and take refuge on a roof.

The wind whips my clothes and stings my tearstained face.

I call Jii-chan. He's in the area and should be here in a few minutes. I text Shinichi while I wait: "I _need_ you. Meet me in the attic in an hour?"

…

Shinichi doesn't use a shimmer like I do. He actually transforms between his shinigami form and his human form. Right now, because of some weird drug, his human form has reverted back to age seven. He can still shift into his adult shinigami form, but…he can't go out in public like that. He'd drive half the block mad and give the other half heart attacks.

I think he's beautifully gruesome, though…just like he says my own true form makes me look impishly radiant. Shinichi is tall and dark and devilishly handsome. His eyes are two black holes that suck you in like Charybdis—midnight blue as deep and mysterious as the cavernous depths of the ocean. His smile is cryptic, his skin cold and white as death. Dark shadows wisp around him in tendrils like Medusa's writhing head of snakes.

He gives me the chills…in more ways than one.

But if Ran-san ever found out about his true form… Shinichi and Ran-san are like me and Aoko in that respect. We can never be together because of our fey blood. I don't know that Ran-san would be able to get over Shinichi being the embodiment of the one thing she truly fears…. And Shinichi doesn't want any half-blood children (apparently they're too troublesome…. I beg your pardon for being troublesome), so…their love is destined to last forever…but never be fulfilled.

Shinichi teases me that we're both going to wind up old bachelors pining away for our ladyloves and eventually falling in together. It might happen. He's attracted to me, and I do care deeply for him. It's not quite the love I have for Aoko, but…it might be enough to make something work.

…

Someone is living in the Kudo Mansion while Shinichi is stuck as Edogawa Conan, but the attic is reserved for our use.

When I arrive, Shinichi is already there in shinigami form, waiting anxiously for me. He rises and comes over to me as I step down from the window ledge and into the room.

"Kaito," he calls, inspecting me quickly and spotting my bandaged arm.

Admittedly, it's hard to miss the garish bloodstains and the rip where the bullet sliced through my shirt.

"You're injured," he growls softly, taking me by the wrist and holding me still while he investigates. Ire comes off of him like steam off of a bubbling pot of stew. It enrages him when the Organization hurts me; it fuels his determination to crush them.

"I'm fine," I try to convince him, even though I know he's too stubborn to change his mind.

"You need to heal," he lectures, leaning in and going for my lips.

I turn my cheek to him and pout. "Shinichi, I'm fine. Jii-chan cleaned it and patched it up. It'll heal on its own."

"In a week," he snorts.

Black, shadowy tentacles wrap around my arms, legs, and torso, tugging me further into the room…over towards the makeshift bed in the corner.

"Shinichi!" I squeak, beginning to struggle as the shadows set me down on the mattress and hold me there. "Stop it!"

But I honestly don't want him to stop. My mouth is practically watering at the hormones coming off of him. I can smell the lust, and it's making me ravenous. My body is perfectly willing and ready to feed.

"Didn't you say you needed me?" he chuckles, straddling me.

"Not like _that_. This is serious! I need to talk to you!" I try really hard to ignore the throbbing sensation he's awoken in me.

"Talk later," he whispers, wrapping his hand around my tail and stroking it. "For now, shut up and accept the healing power of my d—"

"—NO!" I howl, both at the touch and his words. I bite the nearest shadow tendril savagely.

It recoils as Shinichi hisses in pain. The tentacles release me, and I scamper back into the corner, cradling my tail in my arms as tears slowly slide down my cheeks.

I hate my body.

Shinichi bristles and grumbles as he rubs the injured wisp. "Who ever heard of a prude incubus? Absolutely ridiculous. You're a dying race, you know? You should find yourself a nice succubus and procreate like crazy, but _noooo_ …"

He trails off as he looks up at me. He sighs, realizing he's gone too far. "I'm sorry. I know better about the tail. You're saving it for your mate, right? I'm sorry, Kaito…but I won't apologize for trying to heal you. I can't just stand by and watch you stay hurt when I could easily and enjoyably do something about it in half an hour."

I give a little snort of indignation, but I relax a bit. "…That doesn't matter right now. I need your help."

He raises an eyebrow at me, resituating so that he's sitting beside me on the mattress.

"You know Hakuba Saguru?" I whisper, all of my fears of being locked up and manhandled coming back to me with a renewed horror.

Shinichi stiffens and scowls. "That nosey detective who's obsessively stalking you?" His voice drips malice and is coated thickly with a longing to dispatch the perceived threat.

I shudder. "Tonight…after I got shot, he saw me with my shimmer down."

Shinichi's shadow tendrils flicker in fury like angry flames lapping at dried leaves. "I'll go talk to him," Shinichi responds coldly, eerily calm.

My heart lurches, and I shriek, "No! You'll kill him!"

"Well, then what do you want me to do, Kaito? Let him expose you? Whisk you away to Hawaii where no one can find you? What do you want, Kaito?" he huffs, desperate to protect me.

I look down at the faded, creaky wood of the attic floor and shake my head. "I don't know. I just…I don't want you to hurt him. I've gotten to know more about him over this last year, and he's not a bad guy, so—"

"—So what? It's fine if he ruins your life?" Shinichi challenges with a snort of frustration. He gets up and starts to pace furiously.

I begin to worry that the guy downstairs will hear us and then we'll have even bigger problems to deal with.

"We only have so many options, Kaito," Shinichi informs me, even though I'm already painfully aware.

He treats me like a child sometimes. Sometimes I need to be treated like a child.

Shinichi continues: "We could kill him, drive him insane, scare him into silence, use your powers to make him your slave so that we can control him, abduct him and work at him until he sees it our way—"

"—Shinichi," I call hesitantly.

He halts his frenetic back and forth to look at me, still curled up in my corner.

"Maybe…I can scare him…. And then maybe…if I can get close enough to…to touch him, I could…" I swallow the lump in my throat and force myself to keep going. "I could maybe seduce him and make sure that he doesn't say anything that way?"

Shinichi smirks, and it's kind of disturbing and yet alluring at the same time. " _Now_ you're thinking like a real incubus."

He's proud of me…but I'm sick with shame. I don't want anything to do with this. Why is this happening to me? I didn't ask for this. I just want to be human, normal like everyone else.

"You should go now," Shinichi urges. "It's a little after three. He should be home and asleep. It's the perfect chance to head him off at the pass before he wakes up tomorrow and tells everyone what he saw." Shinichi pauses and frowns as a thought occurs to him. "Are you feeling well enough, or do you need to go home and rest?"

"I'll…go now," I whisper, anxiety welling up within me. "Thanks, Shinichi."

I get up to go reluctantly, limbs feeling heavy and slow with dread.

Shinichi catches me by the wrist as I pass. "Kaito, I'm always there for you whenever you need me, okay? _Whatever_ you need."

I smile softly, weakly, and thank him earnestly. I really do appreciate how far he's willing to go for me. I'm grateful for our strange, incestuous brotherhood.

…

I feel sick for probably the hundredth time this evening as I stand on Hakuba's balcony. The curtain is drawn so that I can't see into the room, but I know he's there. I smell him. Sleeping victims are always easy prey for incubi, and his scent calls out to me.

Only I can't get in. Which is utterly bizarre to me. Aren't incubi supposed to slip into their target's room at night and feed upon the sleeper? I should be able to enter at will, but…even if I could easily pick the lock, even if the door was unlocked or wide open, I couldn't enter an occupied bedroom without permission. It's been that way since I started showing. I can enter the house, and I can let myself into a bedroom when the owner is out, but when the inhabitant is inside…I have to be invited.

But maybe that's not true. Maybe it's not an outside force cosmically stopping me from going in. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's a mental block. My human subconscious won't allow my demon self access to victims. My inability to enter uninvited is my mind keeping the monster in check.

…I am demented.

I take a deep breath and try to concentrate on the work at hand…but I feel nauseated again.

"Come on, Kuroba," I coach myself under my breath. "You can do this. Put on the mask. You're a scary, evil demon. You're a monster. You're heartless. You're wicked…. You have to make him believe that or else he's gonna tell everyone, and then they're _all_ going to believe it."

I take another breath, put on the mask, and rap lightly on the glass three times. I pause for a beat and then I tap again. It takes three tries before he stirs, but he eventually does and sleepily comes over to the screen glass door to investigate.

Cautiously he pulls back the curtain, and when he sees me, he jolts wide awake and his face loses all color.

I smirk and show my fangs in character. I'm a dastardly demon.

"K-Kuroba," he gasps, taking a step back.

"Good evening," I snicker, using all of the poker face I possess to keep a steady voice and a vicious leer. "Care if I come in and chat?"

"Y-Yes, actually." His eyes fly in horror to the lock, and then he visibly relaxes (but not by much) when he sees that it's securely fastened. "I'd rather you didn't."

"But I want to talk to you about tonight, about what you saw," I whine, making sure to show how long and pointy my fangs are.

He shudders. "I saw nothing," he insists. "Now please leave me alone."

"I don't think I can do that." My tail twitches and I drum on the glass between us.

He squirms. "Kuroba, if you're going to kill me, do it already, but I swear not to tell a soul."

"But I like to play with my food first," I pout and then chuckle as I run my tongue over my teeth. "Besides. I don't believe you." I add a feral snarl just for effect, showing as much teeth as possible so that he gets the point.

He's petrified. And for good reason. I can see the faint outline of my reflection in the glass, and even that is enough for me to tell that I look like an absolute monster.

My heart shatters as he throws the curtain closed and goes back to his bed to curl up and tremble. My heart breaks because no matter how hard I try or how much I pretend, I'm not human.

I stay out there for a good twenty minutes after that calling to him, scaring the living tar out of him. I scratch at the glass, and it makes an irritating sound. I tap, I snicker, I sing his name.

He sits inside and shakes, covering his ears and wishing me away.

After a while I go, feeling sad and empty. I've sunk so low.

I call Shinichi crying. I blubber nonsense at him until he tells me just to calm down and meet him at my house. He'll talk to me then because he can't understand a word I'm saying.

True to his word, he's there sitting on my bed when I get in. I tackle him and wail incoherently.

Shinichi's flustered. He has no idea what to do, no clue as to what's wrong. He goes through the list of "What's wrong?" "Are you hurt?" " _Where_ does it hurt?" After inspecting nearly every inch of me for wounds, he decides that my injury is an emotional one and therefore there is nothing he can do about it. So he holds me.

And I try to tell him about what a vile villain I am, how I feel like I've lost the last shred of my humanity. I've reached the very bottom, and I wonder if it's worth it. Wouldn't it be better to be exposed or even to die rather than sacrifice the human part of me? It's more than pride. It's my morals, my integrity.

He can't make out much of what I say through the tears and the hiccups and the snot, and he understands even less. Shinichi has always seen me as a fellow fey…with a little bit of dissociative identity disorder. Shinichi would like nothing more than for me to embrace my fey blood and have wild orgies and be satisfied as one of his kind. He just wants me to be happy, and he thinks these "silly human ideas" are weighing me down and making me miserable.

…Maybe they are. Maybe I should just go off with him and be a demon in Hawaii. Sexually, he could keep up with me, and I'd never want for anything. But I want to be human. As a fey that reaps human souls for a living, Shinichi doesn't understand that, but he lets me get his shirt all wet as I cling to him like a child crying in despair at what I've become, the level I've sunk to.

He pulls me up all the way onto the bed and arranges me in his arms as I shake and blubber. His shadowy tentacles wrap around me, gently stroking as Shinichi makes soothing noises, assuring me that it's okay. Everything's going to be fine. He'll take care of me.

I drift off eventually, and fitful sleep bats me about for a while. When I next open my eyes, Shinichi's still there, holding me and rocking me and whispering calming gibberish at this point because he's barely staying awake himself.

I feel really bad. He loves me in his own way, even though it's not the same as he feels for Ran. I love him too…just not the same way I love Aoko. Maybe I should just accept him already. He's so good to me, and I'm starting to think that the perfect fairy tale romance I've been dreaming of my whole life is a myth. Maybe this is reality, what a real life relationship looks like.

I nuzzle his collar bone and try to go back to sleep.

…But I really want that fairy tale with the prince and the white horse and…

I just want "true love".

…

Mikau: So yeah. I hope you liked it. ^.^; This is going to be a little different for me. For one, I'm writing present tense and first person. I started out that way for the original pilot one-shot. I had never planned on writing a whole fic like this. It's not my favorite, but… Well, hopefully this doesn't suck. For two…this is going to be a little steamier than usual. I'm embarrassed. This is embarrassing. But…he's an incubus, so…this fic is going to be heavier on the smut than usual. We'll see how the make-out/H scenes go, but the rating is probably going to go up around chapter ten or so. Um. Anyway! Please send EverThePhantom a thank you note because continuing this and the idea that Kaito is an incubus is one hundred percent her fault. Also, let me know what you thought. As it stands, this is going to be kind of like CTM with the KaiShin and HakuKai love triangle. Thank you so much for reading. I hope to see you again soon!


	3. Kaito - Reign of Terror

Mikau: x.x I need more free time. Things have been crazy hectic at the firm the past few weeks, so I've been skipping lunch break, working overtime…I came in and worked seven hours yesterday (Saturday). Anyway. Enough complaining. Well, I finally got time to edit this. Thanks for your patience. Also, thank you to the reviewers from last time:

AngelsBeast, Loner Kid, 10th Squad 3rd Seat, Hebiaczek, Guest (Hi there. Thanks for writing in. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but if you'll reread the very end of chapter one, that's where it's revealed that Kaito's just been putting up a front the whole time. It's not like things changed between the pilot and the expanded fic. Also, I encourage you to consider that I've fundamentally changed Shinichi's life circumstances by making him a shinigami. It would be completely unrealistic for shinigami Shinichi to end up the same as canon Shinichi, so of course I tweaked his personality accordingly. Thanks for reading, though.), Opal Spirit, Guest (That's okay. Just keep in mind that it's very difficult to read tone in a text-based medium, so you might want to think before you write so you're not misunderstood.), DetectivePandaThief, and Guest (Well, I'm glad you like my work, but isn't it better to get something new than absolutely no updates at all? It's not like my new stuff is getting in the way of my writing old. So it's this or nothing, and it hurts when a lot of people gang up on me and say I should work on this or that. It makes me feel like what I'm working on at present isn't good enough so maybe I should go away and never come back. I don't think anyone ever realizes how bad it makes me feel when people use reviews for my newer works to tell me I should be working on old stuff.).

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I'd be able to quit my day job…which might actually not be as great as it sounds. I really enjoy my work at the firm, and I'd miss my coworkers terribly.

…

Chapter Three: Kaito – Reign of Terror

I cling to Aoko the next day at school, desperate to keep Hakuba away from her.

I'm sleep deprived and paranoid. I jump every time the classroom door slides open, expecting it to be _him_.

"Kaito's really high-strung today," Aoko observes with a raised eyebrow.

"Lots of coffee this morning," I inform her with an impish grin. "I am _sooo_ wired."

She rolls her eyes, not looking very excited for the day ahead of us. "Great," she sighs, probably thinking about all of the pranks I'm going to pull.

Hakuba walks in just a minute before the bell, narrowly avoiding being late. He looks in bad shape with a pasty complexion and dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. He's functioning on coffee too…only he's not functioning well.

He looks at me, really looks at me with a penetrating gaze, like he's trying to decide if last night actually happened.

I decide to help him out by frowning and looking confused. "What's your deal, man?" is clearly written on my face. Maybe if I mess with him, he'll think he's nuts and leave me alone. One can hope.

It seems to work, though. He shakes his head, shivers, and looks away.

About halfway through the day he goes to the infirmary to sleep, and I feel like this is my chance. If I can get my hands on him, I can do what Auntie Yukiko showed me and use my abilities to put him under my power.

I just hope I can make it work, because, honestly, I don't know what I'm doing. My dad was never around to teach me, and Auntie Yukiko isn't sure it'll be the same for me as it is for her. There's enough of a difference between succubae and incubi that she's never been much help in learning to control my powers.

I wait half an hour, and then I ask the teacher to go to the infirmary too.

I whisper in a sheepish chuckle to Aoko as I get up to leave, "Caffeine is wearing off and I'm crashing _hard_."

She rolls her eyes at me again.

I walk into the infirmary and am hit like roadkill by the stench of two freshmen fumbling as quietly as they can on the cot in the corner. Shouldn't they be prioritizing their studies? Teenage hormones literally make me sick. I fleetingly wonder if they'd mind if I joined in.

I also wonder where the nurse on duty is. I really don't want to be walked in upon while I'm dealing with Hakuba.

I take a deep breath (but not too deep for fear of inhaling the freshmen's scent) and slowly, soundlessly move over to Hakuba's bedside. He's taken the cot by the window, all the way across the room from the frisky teenagers.

I draw the curtain around us so that no one will see, and I gulp as I stretch out my hand to cup his cheek. I concentrate on making him _burn_.

He takes a long inhale and groans a bit as his body temperature starts to rise.

I don't have a good handle on my powers. I can't regulate them, and I don't know how much is too much or not enough for my purposes. I just want to make him want me. I'm probably going to have to dose him with lust a couple times on a steady basis to get it to stick.

I wish my dad had been around to teach me. I know nothing about making love slaves, and I don't want to hurt Hakuba. It's not his fault. He's a good guy. _I'm_ the one in the wrong. I'm the one that there's something wrong with.

I feel a brutal stab of guilt as my fingers ghost down Hakuba's face and wrap feather-light around his throat. One thing I do know for certain is that the power of my touch is somewhat effective through clothing but more potent when transmitted directly, skin on skin. The effect is multiplied when I touch sensitive areas where the veins cluster—the writs, the throat.

I put my fingers to the pulse point, and the reaction is instantaneous.

He gasps in pleasure, and I can smell his arousal mixing with the antiseptic of the infirmary along with the odor of the freshmen. He's got a kind of musky, masculine pine scent in general, but the sexual energy coming off of him is like luscious, sensual dark chocolate coating my tongue.

It's making me hungry. Would it be bad if tore off his pants and sucked him dry like a man in the desert dying of thirst? …Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

He begins to stir, and I'm ripped from my fantasies. I start to panic. There's only one thing I can think to do to keep him asleep without the aid of my knockout gas, but I've never tried it before. I know other fey can do it, but I'm not even sure it'll work for me. Though, there's no harm in trying, I guess, seeing as I don't have any of my usual tools on me.

"Saguru," I whisper softly but in an authoritative tone. "Saguru, go back to sleep," I order.

And he does. He settles back down into an uneasy slumber as my powers continue to make his body sizzle with lust.

I breathe a sigh of relief because I have never tried controlling a human with their given name before. I don't really want to have to do it a second time. It feels icky and wrong, like I'm going against my conscience and doing something I _know_ is bad.

This whole situation is bad. _I'm_ bad…wrong.

Hakuba is the victim here.

…I can't do this.

I retract my hand with a sigh and look down at poor Hakuba's troubled sleeping face.

We were just getting to be friends too. He was figuring things out about Kid, and he was starting to help me—sending me tips, letting things slip in front of me. He was starting to cover for me, tease me, joke with me. We were actually getting to know one another, and then…

This had to happen. And now I'm hurting him.

Have I mentioned how much I hate this monster inside of me?

Hakuba calms down and settles into a deeper sleep now that I've released my hold on him.

I frown at him as I try to reformulate my plan…because this is NOT working.

Should I try to explain things to him? Do I say I'm sorry and try to convince him that I'm not evil after all? Somehow I don't see that going over well after the ugly side of myself that he saw last night. I know he's seen a lot of ugly before, but I must take the cake.

"What the hell am I going to do with you?" I sigh, reaching out and smoothing the cowlick his squirming about has created.

His hair is really soft. It's kind of like a doll's—one of those super expensive porcelain ones that Keiko got for her tenth birthday and Aoko was really jealous of…might still be jealous of.

I tentatively stroke his messy, honey-colored locks again, and sleeping Hakuba leans into my touch.

I smile sadly, feeling miserable…because he's kind of cute, and we really would have been friends if he'd never found out.

Tears start to spill over and trickle down my cheeks. Maybe I should just run away…. But…my _life_ is here. My family, my friends… I don't want to be pushed out. I want to stay here and fight. But I'm not sure whom I'm fighting…is it myself?

I run my hand through Hakuba's hair again. It's calming.

It's certainly not Hakuba whom I'm up against. He's not the enemy; the fey part of me is.

So I need to decide where to go from here. I want to stay, but how can I do that with the threat of Hakuba blackmailing me hanging over my head? Something needs to be done about him.

I stare down into his sleeping face, peaceful now that he's no longer under my influence, and I feel like a true criminal. I don't want to control him. He's brilliant and he does a lot of good as a detective. I don't want to mess any of that up because he's a part of something that's bigger than I am.

So that means I have to terrorize the guy…but not here, not now. We're at school—where my friends are, where someone _else_ could see me. I want to be normal, human Kuroba Kaito here. I'll save the demonic displays for his balcony at night.

The stark contrast between Kuroba his classmate and that monster at his window will help my case, maybe make him doubt himself, question what he considers reality.

And maybe I can trick him into granting me entrance. Knowing that a terrifying, ruthless beast like me can come into his room at will should be enough to scare him silent.

I hope.

For now, I feel drained. The coffee really has worn off, and I'm dragging. I feel marginally better now that I have a plan…however heinous that plan happens to be…and I need some sleep.

I slide the curtain open and make myself comfortable on the cot next to Hakuba's. I try to ignore the aching hunger inside of me and get some rest.

…

It's dusk when I awake, and Hakuba is gone. It suits me well enough. I'll see him tonight at his window anyway.

I go to haunt him almost nightly, jeering, taunting, teasing, menacing, crooning, cajoling…. I laugh at him, cackling and sneering as he fidgets, safe behind the glass.

Physically safe. Mentally…I'm getting to him. He's unnerved.

It sort of pisses me off. Am I really so horrible, so repulsive?

Sometimes I lash out at him like he's a strawman standing in for the whole of humanity that could never accept me.

But then I feel bad. I feel lowly and miserable. I know he's right to be afraid when all I've done is snarl and menace and threaten to kill him.

Shinichi spends the night with me a lot. He holds me as I cry myself to sleep; he holds me together.

Shinichi accepts me exactly as I am, mess that I am. I owe him a lot for all of his time, his patience…even though he doesn't understand how I feel or why.

"Kaito, you're fey," he whispers against my temple, holding me as I shake like a laundromat dryer. "Stop trying to be something you're not; it's only hurting you, and I can't stand to see you like this…. You shouldn't feel guilty, Kaito. If you're not willing to let me speak some sense into him and you don't want to turn him into your mind slave, controlling him with fear is the only option we have left. You _have_ to do this."

"But I'm only doing this so that I can keep living as a human," I mutter, exhausted from my nightly campaign of terror. It takes everything out of me. "Is it really worth it if it makes me feel inhuman, doing these things?"

Shinichi doesn't understand, but he tries to comfort me anyway, and I appreciate it. Just having him there makes me feel a little better.

…

Finally the day comes that I'm invited in. Hakuba, Aoko, and I are supposed to work on a group project for school together, and we're meeting in Hakuba's room. I feel like I've cheated, but I'll take whatever victory I can get at this point.

Only things get complicated when I actually spend time with him. I'm reminded of the camaraderie we were just starting to share before he found out my little secret, and I can't help but fall into a familiar, snarky tete-a-tete with him. We laugh together, trade blows. It hurts because it gives me a glimpse of the way things could have been if not for that one stray bullet that took out my shimmer.

As I leave, though, I remind the both of us where we really stand, the way it _has_ to be between us. I thank him for inviting me and let the double meaning of those words do the work for me.

…

That night I go back to his balcony, and I hold my breath as I try the sliding glass door. My hands are shaking so bad, but the lock eventually comes undone and the door opens with a rattle.

He's fallen asleep sitting up on the couch, and as the moonlight whitewashes his face, he looks fatigued and ill.

My stomach twists up in a knot as I realize that _I've_ done this to him. I'm slowly eroding his health, his peace of mind. I feel wicked and selfish. What right do I have to destroy someone else's life just so that I can keep up this charade of being human?

He wakes with a start, but instead of letting out a scream or calling for help or even leveling a weapon at me, he sighs.

He looks at me with beautifully weary golden eyes and says the very last thing I ever expected to hear from his lips—he accepts me. He understands me. He's not afraid. I'm a _person_ , not a beast.

Oh, how wrong he is! If he only knew what I really was…but for now he accepts me, welcomes me into his home and offers me hot chocolate, asks if I want to play chess…as if he wants me here, as if I'm his friend.

I can't help but cry, I'm so happy. Even if it can't last forever, even if he'll turn on me one day, for now…I'm overjoyed that he can look past the teeth and the tail and see the human part of me.

He goes over to turn the light on, and I hastily put on my shimmer. I don't want to be a scary demon anymore; I want to be the human that he sees inside of me.

He smiles reassuringly at me, as if he's dealing with a wounded animal that's not sure if it should trust him. "Kuroba, why don't you take a seat?" He motions to the couch. "I'll have your chocolate ready in just a minute."

I hesitantly slink over to the couch and make myself as comfortable as possible under the circumstances. I feel _so_ awkward. Was I really just here earlier today laughing and chatting with him as classmates? At night it feels so weird…wrong. Because he's invited an incubus into his bedroom, and he has no clue. Worse: he trusts that I'll behave myself. He has no idea what danger he's in. I could lose control and jump him at the slightest provocation, but…he trusts me. He believes in my humanity…and I feel like an imposter.

Hakuba sets the mug down on the coffee table in front of me and smiles disarmingly again—It's okay, fella. You don't have to be afraid. I'm your friend.

He gets out the chess set from his closet and lines up the pieces. "White or black?"

Black. Black like my name, black like my soul…but he turns the white pieces towards me.

"It'll be good to have a competent opponent," he laughs easily, somehow comfortable in my presence. "Baaya humors me from time to time, but she doesn't have much of a head for chess. Back Gammon is her game."

"…I'm sorry," I whisper, tearing up anew. "After the way I've acted…I don't deserve—"

"—It's all right, Kuroba," he cuts me off firmly.

I stare at him, still trying to convince myself that this is all actually happening. "But…"

Tentatively, cautiously he reaches out and places a hand on my shoulder. "You were scared, weren't you?"

I could shoot the same words right back at him. He was the one with the blood-thirsty demon stalking him.

"You've got a lot to lose, so it's natural that you'd lash out like that." Thankfully he doesn't compare me to a cornered animal or speak of animal instincts. I already think of myself as a beast; I don't want him thinking like that about me too.

He continues, oblivious to (or maybe just ignoring) my distress. "Hopefully now that we've reached an understanding, we can both settle down a bit. It must have been difficult for you, coming out every night to posture and carry on like that when your heart wasn't really in it."

I frown. What about how hard it was on him? Or is he just trying to save my feelings, make me feel better? "How do you know my heart wasn't in it?" I challenge.

He raises an eyebrow at me, his expression reading "Give me a break." He shakes his head. "Kuroba, I've been observing you long enough to know that you despise seeing others hurt. You're not a bad or even a mean-spirited person. Putting on that vicious monster act every night must have taken a lot out of you."

I look down at the chessboard and feel ashamed. He's clueless and way too nice to me.

"How can you be so calm when there's a demon in your room?" I grumble. I can't take this level of kindness. He should be leading a mob with torches and pitchforks against me.

He rolls his eyes. "I believe I mentioned this before, but you're not some dangerous creature, Kuroba; you're a person. You're my classmate, my rival, my…my friend, so…"

So I'm not the only one who was starting to think of us as friends. That he still considers me as such despite everything that's happened…I can't say how much that means to me.

"Besides," he moves on quickly, his cheeks coloring slightly. "I'm sadly all too used to the supernatural. The faceless in the shower and the little children that run up and down the halls at night freak me out more than you do…and I'm mostly used to them, so that's not saying much, Kuroba."

I can't think of a thing to say to that besides, "You see ghosts and spirits and stuff?"

He nods.

I nod. "Oh. So…this is kind of…old news to you, the whole fey thing. You're not…your mind's not blown by the existence of supernatural creatures?"

He shakes his head. "No. I've seen spirits ever since I was a child, so the other night when I saw you, I was merely shocked that _you_ were fey, not that fey exist."

I nod again. "So…Cool."

There's a gap in our conversation, and the silence turns awkward.

"Well, shall we play chess, then?" he suggests and then starts on the lighter subject of our math teacher's recent suspicious activity. Hakuba suspects him of dating someone in our year—one of the boys from class D.

After that, we discuss the plausibility of the walking dead versus the infected, and we both decide that either would be horribly terrifying, but we prefer the shambling, traditional zombies over those crazy sprinters, the infected.

"I have to say that the evolution of the 'zombie' is terrifying," Hakuba confides. "I miss the original Chinese model, the ones that hopped and couldn't enter households because they couldn't get over the doorstep."

He wins the first game of chess, but I get him back with a vengeance in the second. By this time we're comparing various flavors of Kit Kats and speculating as to whether Principal Kishimura's hair is actually a rug or not.

Midnight comes and goes without our notice, but at two o'clock I get a call from Shinichi, wondering where I am and if I'm okay. Usually I've called him weeping uncontrollably by this point, so he's already at my house, awaiting my return so that he can hold me as I sob myself silly.

"Uh…so…I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow," I remark a little awkwardly as I get up to go. How do I tell him how much all that he's done has meant to me? A simple "Thank you for having me over" isn't enough.

"You should come again tomorrow night," he offers, quickly adding on, "If you'd like, that is, but…I'd love to have you. This was…I had fun." He bites his lip and fidgets a bit. "I'd like to hang out again sometime."

"I would too." I cast him an appreciative smile and hope the overwhelming gratitude in my voice and expression get through to him.

…

Shinichi's wary about this arrangement at first, but after a few nights, he eventually decides that, "Kaito, if you're happy, I'm fine with it, but if he goes back on you, if he betrays you…"

Shinichi lets the threat hang, and I gulp, knowing that Hakuba's toast if he makes one wrong move around me so long as Shinichi has my back.

…But my late nights over at Hakuba's continue happily. We banter, play games, and chat about nonsense like our favorite brands of cereal and what Power Ranger we would be and why. He introduces me to higher forms of television like Red Dwarf and Doctor Who, and we watch some movies while eating Baaya's special blend of popcorn with nuts and chocolate pieces. Sometimes he asks me about fey stuff, like is this real and is that actually legit, or did humans just make it up?

I'm sharing a lot with him during our meetings. He asks about my childhood, my likes and dislikes, and a lot about fey culture. He hasn't asked about me specifically yet, and I'm dreading the day because I can feel it coming, but… I'm learning a lot about him too.

Saguru comes from a broken family with a history of dysfunctional families. He's really just got Baaya that he can count on and be himself around. He's more like me than I originally thought. He's thoughtful and astute, nothing like that snotty blowhard he pretended to be when he first came to Japan. He wears a mask in public like I do, so he understands me more than I gave him credit for.

I feel bad that we got off on the wrong foot with this fey business. He really is a good, kind man with a really sexy butt.

…Yeah. Just something I've noticed while spending more time with him. He's attractive, and he smells good. He's funny and compassionate and smart and fun to be around…and he's making me wonder if there's any way I could make things work with a human. Could I love him without killing him? Is there any way I could join my body to his without feeding? Could I learn to control my powers so that I could be with him?

Or is this all a waste of time because would he ever be able to care for me in return? Should I kill this little crush now before it even has a chance to make me miserable?

…

"I think I like him," I report to Shinichi, worried about what he'll say.

Shinichi shifts beside me on the bed, switching the cross of his legs. He clears his throat, but he doesn't say anything.

I purse my lips. "Well? What do you think?"

Shinichi sighs, shaking his head. "I'm really glad that you have a little human friend now that you can trust with your secret, and I think he actually is a great guy from my study of him, but…I don't want you to be in a relationship."

"W-Why?" I ask hesitantly, wondering if Shinichi is about to make some daring declaration of love to me.

If he does, I'm his. He has every right to claim me after all of the time and effort and understanding he's put into me. Shinichi has always been an inevitability to me. There was only Aoko until I _changed_ , but then after that, when Aoko was no longer an option, I had always accepted the fact that Shinichi and I were destined to end up together. Since then I've always treated Shinichi kind of like the betrothed that my parents picked for me via arranged marriage. I've kept saving myself in case some other true love came along, but I've always thought of myself eventually ending up with Shinichi.

Hakuba has really been the first person to pose any kind of challenge to Shinichi's assumed claim on me, but if Shinichi wants me…I wouldn't mind setting this crush on Hakuba aside. I know to whom I owe my loyalty, and it's not like there's any lack of affection between us.

Shinichi sighs, rubbing the back of his neck as he confesses, "Kaito, relationships are messy. If things don't go well, you're just going to end up hurt. I don't want that."

I smile softly, grateful for his concern. He's always looking out for me. "Thanks, Shinichi, but if your only objection is to me getting hurt, I think I'd like to try this out."

He gives me a skeptical look. "Do you even know if he likes guys? This could be a losing battle from the very start."

I chew on the inside of my cheek and think because that's a good question.

"Well, if he doesn't, I'm sure you'll be able to change his mind about that," Shinichi offers by way of encouragement. "You're an awesome person, even if you're a pathetic excuse for a fey, so he should be able to see that and appreciate that about you."

"Thanks, Shin-chan," I whisper as I nuzzle his shoulder and proceed to rest my head on it.

"Just be happy, okay?" he sighs. I stress him out, but still he loves me.

…

"You look hungry," Hakuba notes as he pauses the movie. "And you've been kind of out of it all night; you okay, Kuroba?"

Of _course_ I'm hungry. I'm sitting alone with my crush in his bedroom, and we're watching this foreign film in Spanish with random sex scenes thrown in seemingly just to make me squirm.

He's stopped right at the climax, and it's giving me ideas. I wonder if he's as worked up as I am and if I could knock him down, impale myself on him, and finish up before Baaya comes up to investigate the source of the loud crashing sound. I wonder what he would do if he knew what I was thinking at the moment. Would he be in favor and eagerly join in, or would he be disturbed and revoke my unconditional invitation into his room?

I put on my mask and smile. "Nah, I'm fine. I ate before I came, and those snacks Baaya made us will last me until breakfast tomorrow. Thanks."

He frowns.

Stop frowning. It makes me want to lean in and lick your cheek.

"That's…not the kind of hunger I meant."

He just _has_ to go there, doesn't he? Can't we pretend that I'm normal? Please? I don't want to discuss this with you unless you're gonna help me reenact the scene on screen right now.

"It's nothing. I'm fine," I lie, avoiding eye contact. Denial is my best friend, and if he doesn't stare down at my pants too hard, he'll never know what a mess I am at the moment.

"Well…if you ever need to feed, Kuroba… I mean, as long as it's not going to make me sick or take years off of my life or anything," he fumbles over the words, struggling to get his meaning across. "What I'm trying to say is that I wouldn't mind letting you use me."

He has no idea how _wrong_ those words sound.

"Thanks, but…I can't. I need to go," I practically throw over my shoulder as I struggle to stand up quickly and get my back to him before he sees what's going on in my trousers.

"Kuroba." I hear him get up behind me, but I don't turn around.

I need to get out now before I do something the both of us will regret.

"Thanks for having me. I'll come again tomorrow!" And I am down the oak tree outside his window before he can stop me.

…

"I am _soooooo_ horny right now," I whine into the receiver as I flop facedown onto my bed and writhe in vain.

Shinichi is silent on the other end.

"Shin-chan," I groan. It's supposed to be an annoying pout, but it comes out a little more lusty than I intend.

"Kaito," he sighs, frustrated desire evident in his voice. "Why would you call and tell me that? Is that supposed to be an invitation? If so, I can be at your house and inside of you in fifteen minutes if you can stay horny that long. If not, I can be at your house and strangling you in ten."

"…Sorry," I mumble, feeling guilty. "I suck."

"I'd like you to," Shinichi mutters through clenched teeth. "…So? Why are you calling me?"

"Hakuba offered to be my donor," I inform, but the words get a little jumbled together in my haste to get them out.

"…Does he know what it would mean to be your donor?" Shinichi inquires a little testily, jealous.

"…No." I wince.

I can almost see Shinichi rolling his eyes at me. "Kaito, why don't you just tell him?"

"Because he would think I was gross and icky, and he'd hate me and never speak to me again!" I exclaim, tears coming on.

And now he's shaking his head. I can tell. "Kaito…You're a moron. Hakuba wouldn't turn on you like that."

"But what if he does?" I whimper.

"Then…he wasn't worth your time in the first place, and you can come cry on my shoulder about it," Shinichi sighs softly, and if he were here beside me, I just know he'd be petting my hair and holding me until I calmed down.

"You're too good to me," I chuckle, feeling a little better.

"You deserve to be treated well," Shinichi mumbles in return, making my heart skip, but then he ruins it by adding, "Besides, it's not your fault that you were raised wrong and turned out to be such a train wreck. You would have been fine if you were raised fey."

"…Has anyone ever told you that you know just how to charm the pants right off a guy?" I snort, my indignation quickly replacing the fear and doubt of moments before.

"You're the only one that ever tells me that, and one hundred percent of the time you're being sarcastic," Shinichi retorts. "But in all seriousness, you're being ridiculous about not telling Hakuba about the whole incubus thing. Tell him, and let me know if you need me to harvest his soul for you."

I can't help but smile at that.

Shinichi doesn't understand the human side of me, and he frankly sucks at being romantic, but he takes care of me.

"Thanks, Shin-chan, but I think I want to wait a little longer."


	4. Hakuba - Boundaries

Mikau: So, I meant to update last weekend, but I was exhausted. Real life has been kicking my butt lately, but I'm told I'm getting a massive promotion in June, and they're already searching for my replacement, so I guess it's okay. I feel really valued at my firm, so it's okay, working hard. But I promise I'll update next weekend too since this chapter's on the short side. Still. I hope you like it. Also! A big thanks to all of the reviewers from last chapter: Elevareth Abarelia, Opal Spirit, Loner Kid, Guest (That's okay. It's just that a lot of people have been nagging me lately, and it's more than I can handle with my mental condition. Thank you.), Guest (Thank you. I'm so glad you're enjoying my current stuff. It's just overwhelming when person after person nags at me to work on something I'm not mentally able to at the moment.), anon (Haha. Thanks! I'm glad you like it. I think people will like Shinichi more in this fic after he gets a chance to speak for himself in chapter nine. There's a reason he is the way he is, and I think readers will like him better once they get a chance to see inside his head.), Yuzurie, DetectivePandaThief, and SkaterGirl246! You guys really keep me going. Sorry for the irregular updates. Enjoy the chapter!

Disclaimer: If I owned it, there would be a lot more talking and hanging out being regular teenagers. The cast doesn't really get to enjoy their childhood because of all of the murders and evil secret societies.

…

Chapter Four: Hakuba – Boundaries

"Kuroba…I'm sorry if this is a bit personal, but I've been wondering…what kind of fey are you?" I ask Kuroba about six weeks into our little meetings.

He gives a start, eyes flashing in alarm. He fumbles and drops the knight he has just captured. "W-What does it matter?"

"Just curious." I shrug nonchalantly, trying to downplay that curiosity even as it burns inside of me. I try to lighten the mood. I smile and teasingly inquire, "Don't you think I have a right to know what exactly I've let into my bedroom?"

His eyes flicker down and to the side as his face takes on a grave pallor. He looks hurt, conflicted…ashamed?

I realize my error and rush to correct it. "I'm terribly sorry. I was merely joking, but… I'm sorry. You're a ' _who_ ', not a 'what'. It was insensitive of me."

He shakes it off with a disinterested shrug of his shoulder. "It's fine. I know."

But it's not fine, no matter how unaffected he pretends to be. I've upset him, and even though he puts on that good-humored mask of his, his expression doesn't quite regain the levity it had possessed before.

"… _Is_ it terribly impudent of me to ask what species you are?" I wonder softly, sneaking tentative glances up at him even as I pretend to concentrate on the chess board between us and what my next move should be.

"Weren't you the one that was all like, 'You're a person, Kuroba, not a monster'?" he snorts mockingly, and I cringe.

I set down the bishop I was about to move and look at him full in the face. "I _am_ sorry, Kuroba. I don't mean to be rude, but I don't know any better," I sigh. "Rest assured that I am fully aware of your personhood. It's just that…I've been able to see things that no one else can…supernatural things…since I was very young, and no one's ever been able to _tell_ me anything about it. I've read many books, but…a lot of that seems to be pure myth. There are so many things I've wanted to know my whole life, and now I finally have someone to talk to about them who won't think I'm crazy. You can imagine why I'm so eager, but…I'm not sure what exactly is appropriate and how to ask you without invading your privacy." I look at him shamefacedly for a moment.

He holds my gaze, searching my face for answers that I'm not quite sure of the questions to.

I look down at the chess board and move my bishop.

He takes it with a rook that I have completely overlooked.

"Let's just put it like this," he sighs, lining up the captured bishop with the rest of his prisoners. "I don't ask you your height or weight or whether you sleep with guys or girls or how big your you-know-what is."

He pauses poignantly, allowing my face adequate time to develop third degree burns from the heat of my blush. And then he continues with a sadistic smirk, amused at my mortification. "So you don't ask me about my species, okay?"

"R-Right," I respond weakly, thoroughly embarrassed. "I beg your pardon. I didn't realize…"

His smirk softens as he takes pity on me. "It's okay, Hakuba. You're just a regular human with no clue about fey matters. There's no way you could have known, so don't sweat it."

I nod, studying the pieces before me. After a minute, I move a pawn…and he takes it with a victorious trill of joy.

And he looks so normal, so natural.

"Sometimes it's hard to believe you're not human," I whisper to myself, but he hears and seems almost taken aback.

He smiles sheepishly and—all the while twirling my poor, misguided pawn—admits, "Actually…I _am_ human…part human."

"O-Oh?" I look at him with keen interest, hoping that he'll share more. I really do want to get to know Kuroba better. There's so much about himself that he hides, so any opportunity to peel back a layer and get closer to who he really is is invaluable.

He shrinks a little and sets down my pawn in his steadily growing jail. He makes some pretense of examining the board so that he doesn't have to meet my gaze. "Yeah. My mom's human. My demon blood comes from my dad, so…I actually don't know too much about a lot of fey matters myself."

My mouth drops open as I realize what he means. I'd never stopped to consider it before. "Because you lost your father at such a young age, before he could teach you anything. Kuroba, that must have been incredibly difficult for you." How he must have struggled growing up with no one to help him.

Kuroba gulps, trying to swallow down the emotion welling up inside. He once more pretends to be unaffected, always cool and collected. He puts on his aloof mask and replies, "It wasn't so…I mean…" The mask cracks before he can get out the first sentence.

He sighs and looks up at me, violet eyes full of pain and honesty. "It sucked. Halves don't really start showing much until puberty, and my dad was long gone before then. My mom didn't even know if I was gonna be like him, so she just raised me human. I really only started finding out this fey stuff about six or so years ago when I started to show, and…" He closes his eyes and shakes his head, the suffering he's gone through evident on his face. "Imagine thinking you're normal for the first decade of your life only to have it all turned on its head when you start growing fangs and a tail and…"

"Kuroba…" I reach out and lightly rest my hand on his forearm.

He looks a little startled at the sudden touch, but then he smiles sadly at me, eyes misting over with tears. "God…Hakuba, I felt like such a freak. I _still_ feel like a freak…if people found out about me…if Aoko found out about me…" He winces and shivers.

"It doesn't matter what they think," I snort, angry at the world for his sake and feeling oddly protective of my friend. I want to pull him to me and hold him until he calms down, but I fear that would only complicate our relationship, make things awkward. "They're just a bunch of ignorant, prejudice, species-ist idiots. You don't need their approval. You're fine just the way you are, Kuroba."

Slowly he calms down as he thinks about my words. He blinks back tears and looks at me earnestly. Gradually the hurt drains from his face and he smiles in genuine gratitude. "I wish I could just blow off the entire world's opinion of me that easily, but… Thanks, Hakuba. I really…" He struggles to find the words. "I can't tell you what it means to me, you accepting me like this. After you found out, I was scared out of my mind that you were gonna tell somebody and 'Kuroba Kaito, the Kaitou Kid, is actually a demon!' was gonna end up all over the news. I was afraid a mob was gonna come after me or something, so…I really overreacted, and I'm sorry about that. I can't thank you enough for still being my friend after finding out about the real me, so—"

"—What 'real' you?" I snort softly. "Kuroba, 'you' are the class clown, a magician, and a very intelligent, brave young man with a good heart. I already knew the 'real you' even before I found out about your fey heritage. The tail and the fangs aren't really a big deal. You should be thanking me for putting up with your bad personality."

He stares at me, completely floored, and from the look in his eye, I can tell that he wants to tackle me and cry, he's so completely overjoyed. But he knows that would be awkward.

His lip quivers, and he smiles effulgently. "Thank you, Hakuba."

I want to see more of that smile because it makes Kuroba Kaito glow, and he looks beautiful when he's brimming with radiance.

Getting ahold of himself, Kuroba's smile dims a bit. He rotates his arm in my light grasp so that now his fingertips rest on my forearm as well. "Sorry. This is all really new for me. I mean…I've never been able to share this stuff with anyone before, so…"

My arm feels pleasantly warm where his palm rests against the bare skin of my wrist. The sensation slowly spreads, and soon my whole body is heating up. And I like it. His touch makes my skin tingle, and suddenly I want him to come closer, touch me more. He makes my entire being buzz, and I feel my sense of reason and logic slipping away. Sense is dissolving into intense desire.

He gives a start, as if realizing what effect his touch is having on me. His cheeks redden and he pulls his hand away with a sheepish, "Sorry".

My mind comes back online, and I'm left wondering what in the world just happened, where the hell those _feelings_ came from.

And I feel empty because I liked the way his touch made me burn with passion. And now it's gone. I'm cold. I want that warm, ravenous hunger that he stirred up in me back.

Kuroba looks uncomfortable as he folds his hands in his lap and tries to continue, pretending that _that_ —whatever "that" which had passed between us had been—hadn't happened.

"Um…Anyway…I guess I should say that you're the only _human_ that I've been able to talk with about things." He looks back down at the chess board and thinks about moving a piece…but he can't remember if it's his turn or mine.

I don't know, and I frankly don't care. The game holds no interest for me now. All I want is him. I want him to touch me again with the intensity of a drug addict suffering withdrawal.

Kuroba shifts and pointedly avoids eye contact. It's almost as if he can sense what I'm feeling…and it's making him squirm, though I can't tell if it's in aversion or…

"I should go," he remarks abruptly, rising to his feet. "I need to go," he repeats with increased urgency.

I'm still struck a bit too dumb to offer any intelligent argument as to why he should stay with me.

"I'll…I'll come back tomorrow?" He pauses at the screen glass door and looks back at me, eyes questioning.

" _Please_ ," is all I can manage, and I'm afraid that it sounds a bit too desperate.

"See you then, Hakuba." He pretends not to notice my lust-filled tone, but, oddly enough, rather than disturbed, he looks guilty…and hungry…remorseful and yet almost feral.

He leaves, and the spell is broken.

And I feel infinitely weirded out.

Never have I known myself to harbor feelings of that nature for Kuroba Kaito before. I must admit that in the past I have found other males attractive, but…desiring Kuroba…and so intensely… This is a first.

…But now…

I feel weak. I still feel the phantom afterimage of his hand on my wrist. My skin still tingles, and my arm is pink where he touched me.

I'm confused.

And I need a cold shower.


	5. Hakuba - Hypothetically

Mikau: Okay. Here we go: chapter as promised. It's probably going to be two or three weeks before I can get the next one out, though. Sorry in advance for leaving you hanging. I just don't have any time or volition to write lately. :/ But I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this. Thanks a bunch to the reviewers from last time: Eve Of The Stars, Loner Kid, Opal Spirit, DetectivePandaThief, and MissingJigsaw!

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I'd do more holiday specials. I know there are some every year, but Japan has so many great festivals and holidays; it would be nice if we could incorporate more.

…

Chapter Five: Hakuba - Hypothetically

Tonight we're playing "Go Fish", but Kuroba doesn't like the name, so we say "Fuzzy Bunnies" instead…for God knows what reason. I don't pretend to understand how Kuroba's mind works… But whereas he can say "Fuzzy Bunnies" with a straight face, I struggle comically, and I think he enjoys watching my suffering.

"Do you have any threes?" he asks for a fifth time.

I don't, so I have to say "Fuzzy Bunnies". As he laughs at me openly. The worst part is, I don't believe for a second that _he_ has any threes either.

"Last night," I begin, and Kuroba stiffens, afraid of where this is going. "…You happened to mention that I was the only _human_ you've talked to about these things."

Kuroba visibly relaxes, setting down a pair of fives thanks to the card he's just drawn.

"Does that mean there are other fey that you talk to? I mean…you have fey relatives or friends that…?" I bite my lip, not sure if I'm allowed to ask.

He looks up at me, blinks, and gives a little chuckle. "Do you have any Queens?"

I hand over the Queen of Hearts begrudgingly, unsure if it's better to part with the card or to have to say "Fuzzy Bunnies" one more time.

He grins and reports, "I was talking about my family's friends, the Kudos. Their son Shinichi is our age, and mostly I talk to him, since his parents are always traveling, trying to hide the fact that most fey don't really age after thirty. Sometimes, when they're in town, they take me to fey community functions, but…I'm kind of a fey outcast, so…"

He looks down at his hand and pretends to be studying the cards, plotting his next move.

He doesn't fool me because "Go Fish" isn't really much of a strategy game.

Meanwhile, I can't help but wonder aloud at his being a fey outcast. "Why? Because of the type of fey you are, or…?"

He shakes his head and looks up at me, smiling sheepishly. "It doesn't matter to them that I'm just as strong as a full-blood. I'm only a half, so I'm not really one of them…. You know what that's like, don't you?"

I do, and my heart lurches, breaks for him. I know the pain of not belonging in either place you're supposed to feel at home. My whole life, I've never been British or Japanese enough for either of my "homelands" to claim me. The English see me as Asian, and to the Japanese too I'm an exotic foreigner. I know exactly what he means, how he feels, and I want to reach out and embrace him.

He chuckles and moves on before I can form the words to communicate how much I understand.

"Anyway, the Kudos were a big help…when they were in town, anyway. It was about a year after I first started changing when I met them. It was like a light at the end of the tunnel of that hellish first year trying to figure things out on my own. They explained some things to me, and Auntie Yukiko—"

He stops suddenly, and his cheeks turn peach. He makes a show of rearranging his cards while he restructures his thoughts, trying to determine how much exactly he wants to share with me.

"Auntie Yukiko taught me lots of stuff too, but…like I said, they're not around much. They weren't like mentors to me or anything. They kind of just taught me enough to keep me from giving into my shame and despair and killing myself, but Shinichi's really the one that's stuck by me and—and really helped me, so…" he lets out in one breath, flustered and nervous, worried about what I'm going to say, what I'll think of him.

It's apparent he's never shared his feelings about any of this before, and he's just dying in suspense, wondering if I'm going to reject him now that I know that he's broken.

I set down my cards and reach out to him, resting my hand solidly on his shoulder.

"Kuroba," I start softly. "I've been there too, so don't worry, okay? I'm not going to judge you. You've had to go through some terrible rubbish, and I understand because I've dealt with my own sucky hand as well."

His eyes widen, and he leans in, like he's about to tell me some terrible secret. In a low voice he whispers, "I…Auntie Yukiko…is a succubus. W-What do you think of that?"

I blink, not comprehending what this has to do with Kuroba's and my own past sufferings…but he's shaking, biting his lip, and holding his breath, waiting for my reply.

I respond honestly in my surprise, "Succubae…really exist?"

He shifts uncomfortably, still waiting for my reaction. "Y-Yeah."

"And they…" I search my mind for every fact I've ever known about succubae. "They really do feed on…on…"

He gulps and says it for me, "S-Sexual energy…yeah."

"Oh." I shift on the couch, my thoughts going back to the feelings Kuroba inspired in me the night before. "That's…" I try to string together words, but I'm suddenly painfully aware of Kuroba sitting next to me. Remembering the way he made me feel…I'm hot and my pants are too tight.

As if picking up on my thoughts, Kuroba winces. "Isn't it gross?"

His harsh, judgmental words jar me.

"Not necessarily," I reply softly. "Maybe…it's a little icky from a normal human being perspective, but…for succubae, that's the way life works."

"You don't think it's wrong?" Kuroba tentatively asks.

"I…don't think you can judge fey behavior from a human point of view. I certainly think being preyed upon by a succubus would be a horribly disgusting experience akin to rape—"

He flinches, as if feeling my words as a personal condemnation.

"—but for the succubus, it's no more wrong than a human eating veal. She needs to feed to survive, doesn't she?" I present the question for him to think about.

He considers and finally replies quietly, "She does."

"The real question is how her mate keeps up with her," I snort softly. "Though…I don't suppose creatures like that are monogamous."

"They can be," Kuroba retorts…sounding personally offended for some reason. "It's…difficult when it's a full-blood and a human…then they need donors, and that's not their fault, but…a half-blood could survive and be faithful to one mate."

I nod, knowing that I'm missing something. I don't dare question him. "Okay."

"But…" Kuroba's expression twists in conflict, and he bites his bottom lip.

I want to bite his bottom lip too. And at the same time I wish I could stop having these kinds of thought about my friend.

"What if… What if the succubus was a half-blood and didn't have to sleep with people to survive. What if she's human enough to survive on regular food, but she still has her succubus urges that she…that she acts on? Is that…wrong?" He swallows hard, looking down and away.

And now I get that this is about Kuroba himself. Kuroba is the "succubus" in this example. Kuroba can survive just fine without feeding off of humans, but he still has the urge to feed from his fey blood. He feels guilty because he was raised as a human with human morals and social mores. He wouldn't think twice about feeding off of human blood or chi or whatever it is his species eats if he had been raised as a fey. As things stand, his human half condemns his fey urges.

"Kuroba, humans have no business judging fey. I think that the succubus shouldn't be too hard on herself. It's not wrong for her to have those urges. It's perfectly natural even. I think she needs to consult her own conscience before acting on the urges, but she also needs to accept the fey part of who she is. She shouldn't think of herself as a slut, and she shouldn't think of herself as a monster. She is what she is, and she should judge for herself what is right. She can't change who she is, so she needs to learn to accept it and make peace with it so that she can live a life she's proud of," I encourage, hoping that I reach him. "Don't you think?"

But Kuroba is lost in thought, considering my words.

I let him sit and think for a few minutes. He looks troubled, like he needs to mentally sort things out and reevaluate his decisions and beliefs.

"Does that help you at all, Kuroba?" I gently break into his thoughts, pulling him back to the present after a sizeable pause in conversation has elapsed.

He jumps but then comes to quickly enough. "M-Maybe. Thanks. I like the way you think about things," he quietly admits, but his expression is still one of unease. "I really have been thinking about things only from a human perspective, and that might not be the right way to go about it."

I purse my lips, knowing my words could backfire on me even before I speak. "Kuroba, what is it exactly that you feed on? Blood? Life force? Fear? Or is that too personal a question to ask a fey?"

Kuroba gives a start and looks decidedly offended mixed with disgust. "Nothing! I've never fed on anyone! I eat food," he insists vehemently, cheeks burning like a bonfire. "And I'm a vegetarian, so—so…"

I hold up my hands in an appeasing gesture. "All right. I'm sorry. It was rude of me. Forgive me, Kuroba," I entreat. "…But…" I bite my lip, unsure if I should offer again. He declined the other time I asked over a month ago, but…maybe now that we know each other a little better and he trusts me a little more…

"Kuroba, if you're struggling with fey urges to feed, I'd like to help you. You said that humans sometimes offer themselves as donors, so… Feel free to feed off of me when you need to," I propose.

Kuroba's eyes widen, and something like fear mixed with desire and shame takes over his face. "You have no idea what you're promising me."

I shrug. "Well, explain it to me, then, and once I understand, I'll offer my services again."

I've hurt him. Pain smears across his face like mud.

"You wouldn't," he whispers. "You wouldn't let me near you again if you knew what I really was."

"Kuroba," I call softly, ready to soothe and reassure.

"No!" he cuts me off, getting to his feet and backing away. "You wouldn't."

He looks frightened and lonely. The look on his face says that he hates himself and he's afraid that I'm going to hate him too.

"Kuroba," I try to reason with him, standing up as well.

"No!" he cries again and turns to leave. "I have to go. Don't follow me, and never bring up feeding again. Please!" he shouts back at me as he rushes off, through the door, out onto the balcony, and down the oak tree outside my window.

And he doesn't come back to visit at night for a whole week after that. We still sit together at lunch, and he acts like nothing has happened between us, but I feel like I've been cut off from him all the same.

And I want him back.

Desperately.


	6. Kaito - Declaration

Mikau: Hello everyone! Long time no see. ^.^; Thank you very much for your patience and understanding as you waited for me to update, and thank you for coming back to read this series after so long. Thank you as well to all of you joining us for the first time. I'm delighted that you've chosen to give this story a try. I'm coming back from a mental health hiatus and attempting to finish/work on some of my older stories that have been on hold for a while. I actually have five chapters of this fic completed that just need to be edited and posted, so I plan to at least do that much, but hopefully I'll be slowly but steadily completing this series over the next few months. At the same time, the majority of my free time lately has been devoted to playing Persona 5, so I don't expect progress to be speedy, but I'll do my best. Thank you in advance for supporting this work! I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Special thanks to all of the reviewers from last chapter: Loner Kid, Opal Spirit, DetectivePandaThief, Sigery97, Aniki-xvi, Purrloin77, GreenDrkness, Hellfire000, HuntressXHunter, EverThePhantom, and Guest!

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I'd never be able to make my deadlines, and my editor would constantly have to hunt me down. ^.^; I'm trying to be more consistent, but it doesn't appear to be working.

…

Chapter Six: Kaito – Declaration

"He asked me what type of fey I am," I whisper to Conan as he sips contentedly at his iced coffee.

Conan's a cutie. He's got all the dreary, charmless snark of Shinichi packed into an adorable, compact package that I can pick up and snuggle.

Today we're meeting at Poirot to discuss recent developments in my relationship with Saguru—yes, he's "Saguru" in my head now—and Conan is infinitely more reassuring and comforting (at least to look at) than gloomy, death-and-doom Shinichi.

The shrunken detective releases his straw reluctantly and wearily replies, "Well, why don't you tell him? People like us are all the rage lately. Everybody wants a sparkly, vampire boyfriend nowadays, so why should Hakuba turn his nose up at you?" he sighs, and I wonder if he's taking this seriously.

"I bet you'd be really popular if word got out," he continues in the same bland tone he always uses, so it's hard to tell if he's joking or not. "You could have your own series—Life and Escapades of a Teenage Incubus. You're like a cross between that Cullen guy and…whatever that kinky sex god's name was…from Fifty Shades of—"

"—No!" I yelp, unable to take any more of his callousness as I lurch forward to cover his mouth. "Shin-chan, this isn't a joke!"

I come to him for help, and he mocks me?

"I'm seriously in a bind here," I whine softly, releasing him and sinking back into the poorly-padded cushion of the bench seat. I grab my milkshake and take a sullen sip.

"Kaito…" Conan calls me gently as he levels his solemn, unwavering gaze at me. "You should just tell him. He's accepted you even after all that happened at first, so it's not like he's going to freak and shut you out of his life at this point over your species."

I stare unseeingly down into my glass of chocolate sludge for a minute before shifting my gaze listlessly out the window. "How can you be so sure?"

How can he know when even I'm not positive?

"Because I've seen you two together," Conan reports coolly, going back to the iced coffee.

My head jerks back around to face him. "Huh?! When?!" I demand. I haven't noticed his presence, but…

"In his bedroom," he tells me, still as nonchalant as ever. "I come and watch you two sometimes to keep an eye on how things are going, so that I know if I need to reap his soul. I've seen you two together, and that's how I know how curious he is about you…and that he means well." Shinichi begrudgingly admits the last part, but the bit about creeping on me, he readily confesses.

My face fries like an ant under a magnifying glass. I feel embarrassed and violated and happy and kind of ticked all at once. Shin-chan has probably seen things I wouldn't want him to, and the mere thought of that makes me cringe. And yet, I'm glad that he thinks Saguru would accept me as an incubus based on his observations, but then who does he think he is snooping on me without my permission?! It's not like I'm his girlfriend or anything. He doesn't need to keep tabs on me like a controlling husband.

"Kaito, generally people don't give permission for others to snoop on them, and I keep tabs on you because you're a hopeless moron…whom I just so happen to care about," Conan sighs…because apparently I've been muttering under my breath to myself all the things I hadn't really intended for him to hear.

I grumble sulkily about eavesdropping detectives.

"Is it really eavesdropping if you say it out loud in my presence?" Shinichi wonders.

I roll my eyes and grab my milkshake, sucking at it greedily as I look back out the window. Today isn't going as I had planned it…. _Life_ isn't going as I had planned it.

"Kaito?" Conan calls me back into the present moment softly after giving me a minute alone with my thoughts. "You said there was something really important you wanted to discuss with me?"

I purse my lips, and my gaze slides down into my glass yet again. I nod. "Well…my species wasn't the only thing that he asked about." I try to piece together the right words in my head before continuing deliberately. "He…asked to be my donor again."

Conan's eyes widen. He sets down his coffee and studies me. I feel his icy blue eyes giving my face frostbite from the intensity of his scrutiny. "…And how do you feel about that?"

I begin to fidget in my seat. "Scared," I choke.

"Yeah, but…you want to, don't you? …Be with him, I mean." His voice is level, not giving anything away, but I wonder what Shinichi really thinks and feels about all of this.

Part of me wants him to claim me right here and now, drag me home with him, and pound me down into the mattress until there's no question about whom I belong to. …But part of me wants to try to live a normal human life with Saguru.

I gulp as I meet his gaze. "Y-Yeah. I…like him. He gets me, and…I feel at ease with him."

Shinichi surprises me by adding, "And he's good for you."

I blink and cock my head to the side.

"He tells you you're okay the way you are, and you seem to listen to him," Conan elaborated with a half-hearted shrug. "He's been a good influence on you. I mean, nowadays you seem to hate yourself less, and…I like that. I'm glad he's getting through to you and making you feel better about yourself. I…" His mouth and nose twist into a frown of sorts. "I'm sort of irked that it's not _me_ making you like yourself more, but…I'm glad that it's happening, and I think you and Hakuba should keep being friends."

"But do you really think I should tell him about the whole incubus thing and let him be my donor if he doesn't run screaming first?" I press anxiously, wanting him to say both yes and no at the same time. I don't know what I really want.

Conan nods. "I think I get it now. At least a little anyway. You've always been obsessed with the human part of yourself, acting like you had to prove you were a human. So what you need is for another human to affirm that. You need Hakuba to learn the whole truth and still accept you despite it all. Does that sound right?"

I bite my lip and shrug, shaking my head. "I don't know. It's not like this is something I'm consciously doing."

Conan nods again, accepting my answer. "Well, it seems to me that that's the way things are, so I think telling him and then together proving that you can have a healthy relationship with a human without killing him is a good idea."

My brow crinkles up into a frown. "Okay, but what happens when I tell him I'm an incubus and that by offering to be my donor he's agreed to sleep with me…and he calls me a homo freak and refuses to speak to me ever again."

The possibility is very real, and it scares me more than anything else. What if he really can accept me as an incubus…only to reject my bisexuality?

But Conan shoots me a deadpan expression. "Kaito, I've seen you two together, and believe me when I say that he's not homophobic. He's got the hots for you."

It seems difficult for Shinichi to acknowledge his rival as an actual rival, so I give Shinichi's claims extra weight and due consideration.

"…But is that only because of my powers, or is he independently attracted to me?" I murmur, wondering which is the truth.

Shinichi is silent a moment as he contemplates as well. Finally he sighs. "I'm not even going to bother asking if it matters because I already know the answer. You want true love. I know, I know. …But do you really think you'd say no to him even if his feelings were all because of your powers?"

I close my eyes and feel my face burn with shame. "Even if he were only under my spell…I'd probably still say yes, but…there's no way I'd be as happy as if it were true love."

"Yeah," Conan mumbles. "You'd get all angsty about how he only loved you because of your powers, not of his own free will. But, for what it's worth, I think what Hakuba feels for you is real, otherwise he'd only be interested in screwing you."

My eyes fly wide open in surprise. "That's right, isn't it?" I gasp. "He would, wouldn't he? So…"

Maybe Saguru actually does have real feelings for me after all.

"Well, there you go then," Conan declares matter-of-factly, like everything is settled.

And for the most part, it is. I'll tell Saguru…eventually. But there's still something that's bothering me immensely, and that's Shinichi.

"Okay," I softly agree, leaning forward with my forearms on the table to look down at him, look him in the eye. "But, Shin-chan, are you really okay with all this?"

He raises an eyebrow at me. "What do you mean?"

I feel a sharp stab in the gut at his aloof response. After all, I feel like I'm betraying him with my recent crush on Saguru. Sometimes he seems jealous, but still he pushes me towards the man who's supposed to be his rival. Is this martyrdom for my sake? Does Shinichi think I'll be happier with Saguru, and is that why he's fostering my relationship with Saguru without a fight?

…Or maybe does he not care for me as much as I thought he did? After all, I am only his second choice after Ran. Maybe I don't mean as much to him as I'd assumed.

It hurts. I want him to punish me for letting my affections stray. I want him to fight for me…get jealous. And yet I want to be with Saguru.

I'm childish and selfish.

But it hurts that he's so unfeeling about all of this.

"I mean…Was I the only one that always thought we were going to end up together?" I whisper, trying not to let too much of the pain I'm feeling leak through into my voice. I do not succeed. "I always thought…I don't know, that I was _yours_ to claim when you wanted me, but…does it not bother you that I'm falling in love with someone else? It doesn't feel like it. I mean, you're even going so far as to help me, so…"

I close my eyes and shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts of all of the clutter before I open my eyes and try again. "Shin-chan, are you really okay, letting me go, giving me to someone else like this?"

Conan's features contort into an expression of offended resentment. He's angry and showing more emotion than I've seen on him in a long time.

"Do you really think my feelings for you are that watery?" he accuses indignantly. "After all this time we've been together? After I spent a decade having to hide what I was from you, waiting to see if you'd end up human like your mother or whether you'd turn out like me and maybe be the one I'd spend century after century of my life with?"

There's burning passion in his eyes as he hisses under his breath, and his fervor makes me feel small and stupid. I worry that I've made a mistake, falling for Saguru without understanding how strongly Shinichi feels.

"Kaito, if you haven't noticed, I'm kind of invested in you. Ever since we were kids, I've thought of you as my life-mate," he explains gently, but the intensity in his eyes remains.

"What about Ran?" I whisper weakly, feeling faint at the magnitude of his words.

"Ran is human. At best we could spend part of a century together— _one_ century. What about my other nine? I've always planned to spend them with you. Even with your human blood, you could still live to seven hundred or so, Kaito…barring Organization interference," he adds in a grumble.

I sit quietly in awe as he speaks tersely. He's thought this all out, but I…I've been too caught up in pretending to be "normal" that I haven't even considered the possibility of a longer-than-average lifespan. I have no clue what I'm going to do with it. But Shinichi's already planned it out for me.

"Kaito, it may seem to you that I'm being complacent about your involvement with Hakuba, but the truth is, I just realize that this is a necessary phase in your development. You need a human life and a quote, unquote 'normal' relationship right now. I don't like it," he growls in a low, feral tone, "and I'm jealous as hell, but I understand that this is what you need right now.

"Go have your 'true love', fairy-tale fling with Hakuba," he scoffs in envy, but then his voice softens, as if to mitigate the damage from the harsh blow he's about to deal. "Watch as he gets old while you stop aging. Despair when he gets sick and dies, leaving you behind."

My eyes widen, and I'm about to protest vainly when he rushes to reassure, "I'll be there to hold you as you cry. _I'll_ never leave you, Kaito. And maybe along the way you'll start to understand the difference between your fairy-tales and a _real_ relationship that stands the test of an entire millennium….

"Because, Kaito, even while you're in his arms as his lover, you'll still be **my** _mate_ ," he asserts, claiming me, branding me with the heat in his eyes.

Conan stands on the bench and leans forward over the table. He whispers devilishly, delighting in the advanced state of shock he's put me in, " _That's_ why I'm 'okay' with this. Kaito, no matter what, you'll always be _mine_."

The words "take me, I'm yours" come to mind, but not much else as the space between my ears is completely blank at the moment after hearing those movie-esque lines.

While I'm stunned into silence, his lips brush mine, and I'm _soooo_ glad that Poirot is bustling today and far too packed with noisy customers for anyone to be paying any attention to us.

The kiss feels like an electric shock, a little jolt of warmth spreading through my entire body like a sugar rush.

By the time I recover, Conan is back in his seat, sipping at his iced coffee and kicking his legs back and forth—to all the world an innocent eight year-old.

"Is your head spinning?" he chuckles warmly, taking pleasure in the reactions he's able to draw from me.

I nod, still in a daze.

Shinichi has never been known for his romanticism, but, frankly, I'm blown away by his confession, the fierce way he looks at me and tells me in no uncertain terms that I'm his.

Isn't this what I've always wanted from him—an uncompromising declaration of undying love? Something to irrevocably tie me to Shinichi?

"I'm going to end up with Shinichi; it's an inevitability," has always been in the back of my mind, but, up until now, it's been a loose concept, a "maybe…probably…but then maybe not".

"You're _my_ mate" has set things in stone between us, but…

Saguru…

"You okay, Kai?" Conan calls, worried at my prolonged silence.

"Yeah," I sigh, all out of sorts. "I'm **really** _happy_ , but…at the same time…confused. I mean…it would be wrong of me to go off with some other guy after—after all THAT."

Conan shakes his head and smiles indulgently at me. Even though he's currently eight, he's still the adult in this relationship, and I'm the naïve child that he dotes on.

"Kaito, I didn't tell you all that to chain you down…the opposite, really," he assures. "I want you to know that it's okay to waver and experiment because I'm always going to be there for you to come back to. Besides, if you don't see things through with Hakuba, you're going to have regrets that last a loooong time. Don't you think?"

I squirm uneasily, knowing he's right, but…I don't want to be unfaithful to my "fiancé". I feel guilty for not being able to whole-heartedly commit to Shinichi like he has to me. After everything he's done for me, everything we've been through together…

But what he said before, about having only one hundred years at best with Ran… Had he been planning on being with her first and then only coming to me after she was gone? Had that been his plan before he realized that he could never actually be with Ran at all because of what he is? If so, if I was only second choice, would it really be so bad to be with Saguru first?

…I don't know.

"Kaito, don't overthink things, okay?" Conan gently urges. "Just go ahead and have normal human relationships for now. You only get to grow up once. Enjoy your youth."

That sounds funny coming from a grade schooler.

I sigh but nod in acquiescence anyway. "I'll think about it."

"Good." Conan looks a little too pleased at being able to influence me.

This is all so serious for me, and he, as a full-blooded fey, can't truly understand what my human half is going through.

I'm in love, considering telling my crush my closely guarded secret, and then thinking about giving up my innocence to him. And I could accidentally kill him, because I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and I don't have anyone to ask!

Shinichi seems to think that this humanity thing is just a phase I'm going through. He talks like after I have a "fling" with Saguru, I'll grow out of it and come to my senses.

But for me, this is all so real. My feelings aren't fleeting…my feelings for Saguru and Shinichi both.

"I'm thinking about some lemon pie. Do you want a slice of chocolate cake, Kaito? It's on me." Conan's voice snaps me out of my swirling thoughts.

I smile because he truly cares for me and knows just how to brighten me up.

…...

Mikau: And there we have it: the KaiShin side of this plot thickens! There will be a lot more KaiShin in coming chapters (chapters nine and ten focus on Kaito and full-size Shinichi going on a date at Tropical Land) to go along with the HakuKai part of the plot that I had originally planned. I wanted Shinichi to have more depth, so I started with this chapter to bring him and his feelings into play more. Anyway. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm a little embarrassed. I wrote this so long ago! It's not as bad as I had feared, though. Still. Again, I hope you liked it. Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know what you thought!


	7. Kaito - Decision

Mikau: Hi everybody! So it looks like updates are going to be a once a month thing. I had hoped to do better, but… Oh well. I hope you enjoy this chapter anyway. Thank you so much to reviewers from last chapter: Aniki-xvi, Phantom Detective 1412, DetectivePandaThief, StrawberryCatclaws, and GoddessOfSweetness-Me!

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I'd probably have more confidence in myself as a writer. ^.^;

…

Chapter Seven: Kaito - Decision

For about a week after Saguru offers to be my donor, I avoid being alone with him…while he's conscious. During the day, I act like everything's fine, and we hang out at school as usual…so long as others are around, but I don't go to his bedroom at night…until he's fast asleep.

Honestly, I don't know what to say to him. I'm afraid he'll bring up feeding again, and I still don't know what I'm going to tell him. I'm just scared I'll break under pressure if he presses me about it now.

He wants to. I can tell that Saguru wants to force the issue and ask me, but at the same time, I can read the anxiety on his face, and I smell the indecision on him. He's worried. He's afraid of what I'll say, and yet he still wants me just to give him an answer already.

I can't.

So I pretend that nothing is wrong and avoid being alone with him so that we don't have to discuss it.

But then at night I go to his room, quietly opening the sliding glass door and creeping over to his bedside. The lesser spirits that haunt his house scurry for cover upon my arrival. Most of them have cleared out over the past month because they fear me. The remainder make sure to be on their best behavior and do their utmost to stay out of my way.

I gaze down at Saguru's peaceful sleeping face, and I feel hungry. I debate going in for a quick lick, a tiny taste, but then I catch myself and gag in disgust at my baseness.

I'm repulsive. I'm slime.

To complete the picture of incubus deflowering sleeping virgin, I drop my shimmer. I wonder if I really look like those demons in the paintings. I feel wicked and vile. If only I could just be…

But Saguru's words come to mind as I stand there over him. He's told me in the past that I'm fine the way I am. I don't need to change.

I tell myself that my desires are normal and healthy. I try to accept the fact that I'm an incubus and that there's nothing shameful about how I'm feeling right now.

I'm a little difficult to convince, and I feel angry at my parents for conceiving me, mad at my dad for dying and leaving me without anyone to turn to for guidance…angry especially at myself for not being stronger, strong enough to resist these fey urges.

Saguru shifts slightly, rolling onto this right side as he groans.

I freeze and pray that he doesn't wake. If he sees me hovering over him while he sleeps, watching him like some creeper…I don't know what I'll do, how I'll explain.

Fortunately, Saguru slumbers on.

Unfortunately, he starts to dream, and the sweet, musky scent of arousal fills the air, hitting me in the gut like an uppercut. Saguru moans again, and my mouth starts to water.

He smells _soo_ good. I just want to taste him. Though, he'd probably wake up if I pulled back the covers, let myself into his pants, and helped whatever dream he's currently having become a reality.

I bite my lip and look away, face burning in shame.

I shouldn't be here. These feelings are wrong. This isn't love that I'm experiencing; it's not even lust one would normally feel for a prospective partner. What I'm feeling is hunger. I'm craving Saguru the same way I yearn for chocolate fudge, and this realization scares and sickens me.

Do I really have a crush on him, or is he just the first human I've gotten close enough to feed off of? But no. It's not just a physical attraction to him that makes me think I'm in love. I love his mind and his selflessness. I adore his sense of humor and the thoughtful little things he does for me. I do love him.

But it's all getting jumbled up in my head. Love, lust, hunger… Tonight in his dimly lit bedroom, hunger is winning out, but tomorrow at school it'll be love. When I ever get around to hanging out at night with him again, love and lust will duke it out with hunger getting a few shots off.

I flee before I do something stupid like waking him up from his sensual dream only to beg, "Have your way with me. I'm starving to death."

I flee, but I come right back the next night after he's asleep. This time I keep my distance so I'll be able to think clearly. I twirl around slowly in his desk chair, on the opposite side of the room from the bed.

So…I like Saguru. I want to be a couple and kiss and hug and all that. Obviously, that's not going to happen until after I'm completely honest with him. So Shinichi's right. I have to tell him I'm an incubus. It's an inevitability.

I stop spinning in the chair and gaze gloomily at Saguru as he dreams on without a care, oblivious to my struggle.

The only question is _when_ I'm going to tell him. Not now. Not soon. I'm not ready. I want to be a couple and do physical stuff _eventually_ , but…not for another couple months at the least.

Because I'm afraid of intimacy. I'm terrified of losing control. I fear rejection, and I'm scared of loving only to lose. This isn't just a matter of sex. It's deeper than that. Letting Saguru in means commitment and trust and all sorts of things that petrify me because I have no experience with them.

I suppose it all comes down to "Is having Saguru in my life worth it?" "Is he worth the risks?"

I study that angelic face—creamy skin as fair as a storybook maiden's, hair the shade of gooey warm honey, lips as pink as rain-kissed tulips. His breathing is slow and rhythmic; his chest rises and falls peacefully. A stray bang has fallen across his face over his left eye. Physically he's gorgeous. Personality-wise, he's even better. He's pure-hearted and genuinely kind. He's suffered too, and it's made him compassionate.

I do want him in my life.

So I have to tell him the truth.

I sigh and quietly sneak out.

…

The next night I sit on top of the back of the couch in silence, brooding.

I drop my shimmer, revealing my tail, ears, and teeth, all distinctly unhuman…. I'm ugly. This is what I really look like, and I hate it. I'm a freak. That part hasn't changed just because Saguru has found out I'm a demon and yet still been able to see past that to my humanity.

I wonder if he could really accept _this_ for a lover. It's been over a month and a half since he's seen me in my true form…back when I used to terrorize him…and he's never really gotten a good look at me. Could he _keep_ accepting me as I am even if it meant making love to a glimmery-skinned, sharp-toothed, pointy-eared monster with a tail?

Maybe. I can hope, but…

…

I come back every night that week. Sometimes I hang out on the balcony; sometimes I kneel at his bedside. Always, my mind swims with what-ifs and could-bes. I stress about the future and accomplish nothing but further depressing myself. I go over the same issues time and time again, only succeeding in working myself up.

Well, I do manage to clarify _some_ things, but more often I just ruminate over how I'm a crazy stalker monster, breaking into my crush's room at night to ogle him (like a hot fudge sundae and a gritty gravure pinup in turns) and agonize over my situation.

On the sixth night, I sit on the nightstand and practice how I'm going to tell him I'm an incubus and ask him to be my donor. Of course, these conversations will take place several weeks to several months apart, but…

The only thing is that Saguru's sleeping fitfully tonight. He keeps shifting and grumbling, eventually sinking into an erotic dream.

I can smell it. I _love_ the scent of Saguru's arousal; it's almost intoxicating, like chocolate covered strawberries that just melt in your mouth. It's a rich, full scent with an amber aftertaste.

I'm easily distracted by it and start toying with the idea of trailing my tongue all over his body to collect the sexual energy he's radiating.

I shake my head, trying to break away from his hypnotizing allure. It's so strong, and I'm hungry.

Time to go.

With a sigh I get up and turn to leave.

"Kaito…"

I literally jump like a startled cat and land in a crouch on top of the back of the sofa. I hold my breath as my heart beats like a crazy ax murderer knocking down the door, afraid he's caught me, seen me like _this_.

But Saguru's still dreaming.

"Kaito," he calls softly in his sleep. "Kaito," he moans far from innocently.

My body starts to buzz at the sound of my name on his lips. It sounds like a dirty suggestion, and I _like_ it.

I approach his bedside cautiously and kneel beside it. "Saguru," I whisper, tentatively reaching out and stroking his face, trailing a finger down his cheek, skimming his throat.

He lets out a soft, animal noise of satisfaction, and I giggle in excitement.

Because that's _my_ name he's calling. That's me in his dream wreaking havoc on his senses.

Shinichi was right: Saguru probably wouldn't reject me as a "homo freak" after all. Saguru—or at least his subconscious—finds me desirable enough to have a wet dream about.

"Saguru," I breathe, my entire body tingling in a mix of true lust and hunger.

I gently nuzzle his cheek and stroke his face again. It takes all of my self-control to pull away and leave. I have no business being here, and this isn't how I want things to go.

I don't just want to feed off of him; I want to make love with him. I'm still not sure I'm ready to share my secrets and accept his offer yet, but I know I will someday. And when that day comes, I want to do it right.

I think I have my answers now. I want to try being with Saguru, even if it does go how Shinichi says and he keeps aging while I stop and eventually dies while I get left behind.

I really do want to try a "normal" human relationship, and regular human life before I'm forced to accept my supernatural side…before I commit to Shinichi…and to switching names and residences every couple decades for the remainder of our centuries together.

I slip off into the night, texting Shinichi as I go, asking if he can meet up for dinner tomorrow.

…

"You sounded like you wanted to talk about something important, but it couldn't have been very urgent because you were able to wait to discuss it until tonight, almost a full twenty-four hours later." Shinichi tries to puzzle me out as I set down the Chinese carry-out in front of him.

"I made a decision," I announce a little hesitantly. I'm proud that I finally came to a decision, but, at the same time, I'm a little reluctant to tell him because, after his dramatic confession, I still feel bad about giving any other guy but him the time of day.

Shinichi cocks an eyebrow at me and waits.

I fidget with the chopsticks and the sauce packets before just sitting down and declaring, "I'm going to give things with Saguru a shot—the whole boyfriends-donor-telling him I'm an incubus thing." I peek up at Shinichi.

In general he looks as impassive as always, but I can just make out a slight elevation of one side of the mouth. There's a coy light in his crystalline blue eyes that tells me he's pleased.

"I think that's the right move." He nods in approval. "This way you'll learn to accept who you are and stop being so freaked out about feeding. This is a healthy step forward you're taking, Kaito. I'm glad you've decided to stop denying your fey blood…. So…when are you and Hakuba going to start feeding?" He's a little reluctant to ask. I bet part of him doesn't want to know about my involvement with other men.

My face flushes, and I dig into my fried rice to avoid having to face him. It's so weird, talking about my relationship with another man to my—for all intents and purposes—fiancé. "Actually…I haven't told Saguru yet. I've kind of been avoiding him all week, but…I'm going to start visiting him again tonight, and…maybe in a few days I'll tell him what I've decided. After that…" I shrug, trying to be nonchalant when I'm actually mortified on the inside. "Maybe we'll start feeding in a couple months. I mean, I still want to wait at least another month before I tell him about my species, and then I—"

"—So what you're telling me is that you haven't really made any kind of decision after all," Shinichi sighs, rolling his eyes at me. " _Kaito_ …"

"I have too made a decision!" I pout, finally looking him straight in the eye so that I can glare childishly. "Before I wasn't sure if I would ever tell him anything. _Now_ , I'm sure that I am going to tell him and let him be my donor. It's…just a question of when, and I don't feel comfortable yet, so…so… _later_."

Shinichi stares steadily, his expression reading, "Seriously? Is that all you have to say for yourself?"

I hang my head and mumble as I pick at my rice, "Well, isn't that at least _some_ improvement? I made a small decision, didn't I?"

"You did," Shinichi concedes, still not thrilled because my progress is moving too slow for his "get Kaito to accept his fey heritage so he can come to terms with my life plan for us" agenda.

"Look," I whisper, wishing he could just understand why this is so hard for me. "I know you think I should think of sex as nourishment first, pleasure second, and a symbol of devotion, sacrifice, and love third, but…it's the exact opposite for me. I know it differs even among humans, but…for me, before I found out about all this fey stuff, I always thought that kissing and all that, sharing my body with someone, was sacred. I still think that way, so I want my first times with both you and Saguru to be that way. It's a big deal to me, and it's not something I can rush, so—"

I break off suddenly as Shinichi leans across the table and places a tender kiss on my forehead. One of his wispy shadow tentacles caresses my cheek while his hands come to rest on top of my own.

"Okay," Shinichi agrees gently. "You're right, Kaito. I should be happy that you are making _some_ progress, and it's wrong of me to push you when you're not ready. I'm sorry, so…just do whatever you need to do. I'll support you, and I'll be patient."

I smile tiredly, flipping my hands over to hold his, giving them a little squeeze. "Thanks, Shin-chan."

Is it just me, or has Shinichi gotten more thoughtful lately? He seems to be showing more emotion, sharing his feelings more. Maybe he's trying to relate to me now that he's shown his hand and made his intentions clear to me. Maybe Shinichi's making an effort to be the kind of caring, loving partner I so badly want.

It makes me happy, and yet…it comes with a stab of guilt because even now my head is spinning over Saguru.


End file.
